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Feeling better now

I was really upset over my non stop gorging of food and limitless weight gain a few days ago but I have since made an attempt to get some sort of regular exercise and controlled eating habits in place by increasing my trips to the gym to twice a week and making sure I constantly ask myself before dashing to the quick food store whether I really need to eat at that moment in time, whether I was hungry or just feeling like some itch needed to be stopped in my mouth. I have not been successful all the time the past two days but one trip to the gym has been done so another one should be coming up in the next few days. I also stopped eating the donuts, and of course no soft drinks consumed in the past couple of days. I am feeling proud of myself. Even though it has been just a few short days, it is still an achievement. A small one but one that is worth celebrating in its own little way. So what I did was to eat half a donut and to drink a small packet of chocolate milk. Not exactly a soft drink so there should not be so much sugar that might pack on the pounds. It is still sweet since it is chocolate milk, but I figured the extra protein in the milk would do me good as I hit the gym more often. More muscles could be built, and the extra calcium would help in the bone growth as well. Since I am still carrying 90 kilos in weight, there must certainly be quite a lot of weight on my bones so they have to be strong, else I might suffer osteoporosis at too young an age and something which is not common for people like me. It is all a little bit hectic for me but I will try to get in some cardio as well, maybe just before I turn in to bed as that could be the best time to do it. You go to bed with your heart pumping and pulse racing, and metabolic rate all turned up after some cardio, and then you sleep through the night with your body burning all the fat for extra energy to keep the body moving because I sure am not going to eat any snacks before turning in and will not wake up to eat something if I were to be hungry. It sounds a bit tough on myself but hey, I think I look better at 60 kilos than 90 so there has to be some price to pay and some dues to be paid.

I cannot stop eating

I know I am supposed to go on a weight loss program but I just cannot stop eating. The past two days I have eaten at least 20 donuts and still I do not feel full. The problem I am quite sure is because I just love to eat. There are of course things that I do not like to put into my mouth and they are usually bad tasting yucky stuff, but by and large I really love eating, especially sweet, salty and sour stuff. Just like the 20 donuts that I mentioned, soft drinks, sweets, chocolate. I love them all and usually have them on my mind constantly. That is, if I am not busy with work or other stuff. My family tell me that I am starting to put on too much weight for my own good, and it was only a year ago that I weighed only about 62 kilos at a height of 175cm. Now I am close to 90kg and mark my words they sure aren't muscle or extra bone mass which a person at my age will never put on. I am trying to get some exercise under my belt so that the weight above the belt will hopefully be burned off, but it has been much tougher than I thought. Seriously, I used to love sports and exercise, and would make the religious trip of 3 visits to the gym each week, pumping the weights hard for an hour each time, before ending it with a good swim under the hot sun. I was lean, mean and really proud of my body. It is not that I am no longer proud of it, but I have too many other things on my mind my body is not a priority anymore. But people keep telling me that it is not my body per se that I should be worried about, but my health. If my body looks bad, my health probably is bad. Yet, I ask myself if it is my fault for not looking after my health? I do not think so, although I feel guilty for letting it turn to crap. It is quite depressing although I am not depressed. I just wonder what really happened to my body and health. My diet and cravings have never changed throughout the years. Sweets and fast food I love, but I also like other healthy stuff that I also put into my mouth. Guess I have to stop eating so much and maintain the once a week exercise regime, which might not be enough but it has to do with now.

Hunger and Cravings

What a day this has been as I have been having an intense craving for something which I should not eat too much of, due to my desire not to get too fat. I want to have some deep rich sinful mudpie but one mouthful would probably set my plans back too many steps which would be wasting my efforts thus far. I don't know what to do. Maybe take a cold shower and hope that it goes away after some time.

Or maybe I can go get do a workout and try to run off the craving but I have tried it in the past and not only does it make it worse sometimes to combat the even more intense hunger as a result of working out, I simply just go out and buy the food that I want to eat. End up facing even more setbacks on my results and the workout turned out to be the key to gaining weight fast can you believe it??

Maybe the cold shower will really work. I should give it a try and see how that goes. But what if my body heats up again and the desires go crazy? That can happen don't you think so? Eating is just such a joyful experience but it has put on so much around my waist. But I don't really see a problem with that either because I am not crazily fat just a little heavy at the waist, otherwise I can walk around in more revealing outfits.